Being in this world well-known University, I always questioning.

First thing first, what can be more compliances than grades in University?
The purpose of University had changed from an institution of exchanging and sharing knowledge to a place that marks is everything.

Coming to this University, I found out that some people are just too busy to conform themself. For example the second generation Chinese here, their parent are too busy to suit into this society where they forget to teach their children about their heritability. And so they lost their own culture by trying to fit into this land in every possible way.

There is a very old opinion inside everyone's head

"if you behave properly, you will get property"

I did have some sleepless nights thinking about what I want later in my life.
Its kinda funny that from the start I dun even know how to spell psychology. I used to spell it as "physcology".

By choosing this way, I know I can't build physical bridges to connect Penang to Seberang Perai.
But I can build mental bridges between people.

By choosing this way, I know its impossible to count how much material needed to build another twin tower.
But I can help the worker and the construtor to do better and faster.

Being here, I always try to think ahead of my age, understand the system, and conform when it suits me to conform. I never admit that I am a loser in my life, even once.
I see how different people act compare to the place where I was born
I see how different people talk compare to the mamak language I used to heard a lot.

I have seen so many things here even I cant believe that I got the chance to see it in my life. I see how cruel people could be when they have no choice. I see how people betrayed me and thinking that its not a bad thing at all.

I also see how people devalue other's property and feel like its something they can take for granted.

When people ask about what is the definition of FRIENDS?
I would say I dunno last year, I guess they are the people who treat you good and love you.
But then this half year changed me

The formula in my heart had changed.
I used to treat everyone good in every possible way without hoping any payback.
But now, I will only treat people who treat me good double good. And in turn treat people who treat me bad double bad.

When I am in class and sitting in the front row, I will concern about whether or not the people behind me can see the lecture note or not. Then I will try to stay still as long as I can because I scare that one movement will distract them. When something bad happen, I will offer my help first because I know sometimes its hard for people to ask for help. I dun really care when people are taking advantage of me, but if that action push me into a self-harming situation, I will resist. I was living for others for such a long period. And now, I wish to live for myself more.

I dun give a damn in those friendship anymore, because I know it doesnt worth it anyway.
And in the end, love is not always truthful, it need to be deceitful sometimes so that people like me will eventually realize and say,

"I was such a dumb"

And now, not anymore

Here to share a line in Harry Potter that I found very meaningful

"It takes a great deal of bravery to stand up to our enemies, but just as much to stand up against up to our friends."

Professor Dumbledore, Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Stone

3 shell(s):

galaxy0412 said...

i think i can understand u...
cos i see the previous me on u now...
in that time, u always tell me:
dun be too negative in everything...
but now, i think u have felt it urself...
it sounds funny, but i do have the same feeling even i din go out to other place like u...
anyhow, try the best to enjoy ur life there...

luvprada said...

Always see yourself as the centre of everything, move from yourself.. in other words, think of yourself first, be ready, be prepared before you have extra energy, time to help other. You dont have to treat people on your so called double bad when people treating you bad, keeping a distance is the best way, there is always people who are worth for and who are not. Those are things i have been telling you all these years, and great that you are aware of them, but going too extreme is not what you suppose to, but moving to the right way.

xiaowei said...

such an insightful post. i will digest it more when i have the time. just now i just scanned through it.

anyway, just react to the reality of life with the way you think is suitable and you feel comfortable with.

cheers =)