Some people around told me that they have characters whom they never would have chosen had they choice over their history.
For me one's background and history is what build up who he/she is right now. Every incidents in life counts, including how you close the door this morning or even how you kicked away the rock that get in your way.

So I come to think about what consituted me. What exactly am I made of. Looking at those food product in the grocery saying "made in XXXX" makes me fall into deep thought myself. Where was I made in? And what in my life that make me feel that I am half eastern and half western right now?

There is no doubt about what I characterized myself as and where I recognized as home. But its the inside that haunted me. As more time spending at foreign country, I think the osmosis effect happen too me. For good or bad, I assimilated into the culture where people get drunk all day long, having only specialize in one thing but not the other, and all-you-can-think-of.

I realize that I start to note about the pros and cons about this world. There are always two ways of answering question. Culture is like water to us, and we are the fish.
Without having to leave the water, we wouldnt even know the existence of water. But when we were forced to leave the water, we will realized how comfortable the water was and how ignorant we were for not being able to point out the pros and cons of the medium.

I still remembered the moment where I sat down alone in the paddy field. The moment imprinted on me the sense of Malaysia as my home, the sense I have never been able to recover anywhere else in the world so far.
Every other place is foreign after this moment.

It always takes an absence for us to know how precious present is. Isnt it ironic how people never cherish the previous "good" moment and only regret afterward?

Shirley Lim, to me she is a totally westernized figure, but whats makes me different from her? There are time I try to ask am I really a Malaysian too.

If me isn't spell by only "m" and "e", what is, me then?

Its been a week since I came back here.
Surprisingly many things still remain the same. Or maybe its actually under the comparison that I actually changed a lot. I felt as if every year I come back with the same body but different mind.
There are something that I thought I wouldnt care, but turns out i really care about .
so here I am, start on the blogging routine again.

I think I had already been through the stage where you will have sudden realization in your life that you had been sleeping through the previous years in your life. I feel alive and really living. Even a small event occured in bus can easily pick up my interest towards it.

Sometimes I still look back to the time where I was so determined to settle down with one girl and to form a family. For me now that is really an act of impulse. I now understand whats with the "too young too make decision" thing that I used to hear so much during my teenager year.
As painful as how the life is like, people have to still go on.

Dun get me wrong, its not that I refuse to settle down. Its just that there are still so much to see in this world and I think I still need time to discover the beauty of it.

Remember how I say I want to be more alive and live out every bit of my life?

I think I did it.