Winter kinda sucks big time.

Ever experience the good feeling after getting A for essay you worked hard on then suddenly drop back to emo state after few hours?

It was all hope and light then the power got cut off, leaving the spot filled with darkness and loneliness
Maybe I just need someone by my side. :S

Good night world.

Looking back at those post that once I thought I misunderstood and now knowing I was right is kinda painful to me.

But at least I had done something I should have done at that moment to prevent further damage.

Lost time is never found again, time doesnt delay but I did.

Randomly hopped onto a bus to find a place where I belong tonight but I couldn't find any. Or maybe its because I just want to find a place that I am not familiar with I think I know too much for now. Much of what I can handle.

But the bus wont stop, it goes on and on without my knowing, or its just that I choose to ignore it. Its like looking at the same old clock that stop at 10:15 in the morning. Seeing it telling you the same time every moment there give you the same old fuzzy feeling. But things just aint the same anymore.

Its like the half truth that you know but you couldn't know for sure. Something has to be done at some time. They say big things are for the big guy, therefore was I ready to take the world with me and then collapsed in front of it. I am glad that it did happen. Not that I love experiencing sad thing, but c'est la vie, life is never simple.

Just realize that I hasn't pen down my thoughts for a while in here now.

Here is it, my feeling at this exact moment.

Je suis heureux que je n'ai pas d'espoire.
I saw so many differences faces everyday.
Looking at those faces somehow guide me to reach into my heart and really think.

My life have been pretty much on a threadmill. I guess I cant stop, and in fact I doesn't want to stop. All my life I had been trying to improve my innate abilities. Stop learning and ignoring those unknowns is definitely the last thing I will do.

The good thing of being young is that you can do whatever you want.
Looking back to my old life, the only thing that stay the same was the dreams I dreamed.
To make a different.

My dreams had once been robbed by the reality of life and now I finally gained it back. I swear I will use all I have got to protect it.
I love thinking, I always am.
If one day I were to refrained from thinking I think I might just kill myself.

I tend to be caught up with my thinking everytime. I realize I actually lost the ability of thinking nothing right now. Anytime anywhere, there must be thoughts in my head.

Its interesting how one can rediscover the pleasure of carrying out the simple tasks, especially when knowing that all around, whenever one looks, are symbols of death. Doing something we love is live. But to live out a life it requires you to be living.

These blog posts, regardless of their worth, are a part of me now.
I have always been proud to be a Malaysian and a citizen of Malaysia and have carried myself with the awareness that I too, can contributed to the developing of this nation sometime at some place. So I strive to help this nation, save is not a word to be use here because I know my country doesn’t need saviour, it needs help instead. None of the country in this world is perfect.

But bring the country close to perfection is what every citizen should work on.

Every man determine who he becomes.
I am well aware of my limitations as a student and as a person. All my striving to improve daily cannot fully overcome those limitations. But despite these failings, I seem to have done some good, and that cheers my heart. When time's up, at least I did try.

I am not sure when exactly is the time I started to redefine my life.
I rediscovered myself as a creature not powerless but, in fact, equipped with the will to redefine my own course in history.
I was brought up in a family that taught me if you want to get what you need, you have to fight for it.

And the lack of government’s concern in some sense made it clear to me that I would have to live by my intuition. That was a fact I learned to accept.
It also trained me to not fallen into the habit of taking everything for granted.

You cant expect everyone to be happy under a nation, some will have to strive to prove their existence. Being able to fulfill one’s most basic biological need does not yet make a man; that makes him a biological creature, an animal.

When you start to fullfill your own dream, thats is when you start to live.

Its hard for one to realize what happiness is.
Happiness does not consist in not having things that you would like to have, but in liking the things you do have. In other words, being satisfied with what you’ve got.
This stream of warmness is exactly what I need in the midst of coldness. The wound will heal one day, but its essential to not allow wound to come in touch with poison.
There is something in life that you can never look back and you shouldnt.

Letting despair take hold on you is not the wise choice
The most important thing in life is to learn how to give out love, and to let it come in.

Showing no emotion didnt mean that everything is fine, things are really gone when you are ready to face it and feel nothing to it.

Make the most of yourself, for that is all there is of you. Put your future in good hands and dun destroy your own dignity.
If you really put a small value upon yourself, rest assured that the world will not raise your price. You have to love yourself because at the end its the only thing that belongs to you. We cant bring anything more than our body when we leave this world.

Loving yourself is a prerequisite to creating a successful and authentic union with another. Dun ever try to get something that are not urs anymore. Strolling over roses is bad, you hurt urself and also those roses. If it hurts, it definitely is not for you.

If you live in inferiority,
you will only learn to accept and say yes.

Don't forget to love yourself. Like how you had loved someone else in this world.

Friends come and go. But alas, thats life. But to know that separating is inevitable, thats the hard part.

We used to share so much laughter on the dining table. He brought me a totally new point of views that I had never seen before.
He taught me how to see the invinsible and how to smell the sounds around me.

He told me that until I read between the line, then I will only start living.
With his existence around me I remain questioning and appreciating everything.

Its not hard to get one friend, but it is to get a friend like him. At least so far in all those days that I had lived, he is one of a few that gave me that kind of feeling. Reminiscing those moment where we sing together loudly in room gave me nostalgia feeling. I know those moment will only be found in our brain. And knowing that fact that nothing will ever be the same again kinda makes me feel sad.

To have someone that have instant connection with you is not easy, especially when it is comprised of two person from totally different background.
And perhaps what we share is beyond friendship, even beyond the meaning of life.
At some point in our life we will be at the cross road of making choices, maybe once or twice we will be heading the same direction but its impossible to make the same choice all over life. There he is, making his choice for life.

To say he is good is implying that I am better that him thus I can comment of him.
and to say that I am proud of himwould be to belittle him. Being proud of him would imply that I already had the skills that he is attaining.

That is not the case.

He is doing things that I simply cannot do. He has a skillset that I will never have. It would be more honest to say that I am proud of myself for being part of the person he is becoming, for not getting in his way, for giving him every support that I can give.
He is something beyond, should he be not born in this era, he will definitely be one of the greatest person on earth that we often read in the textbook right now.

To you my friend, I hope you can get whatever you want in your life.

To us, may we all meet in another stage of our life and telling each others our own story.
Good luck.