Some people around told me that they have characters whom they never would have chosen had they choice over their history.
For me one's background and history is what build up who he/she is right now. Every incidents in life counts, including how you close the door this morning or even how you kicked away the rock that get in your way.

So I come to think about what consituted me. What exactly am I made of. Looking at those food product in the grocery saying "made in XXXX" makes me fall into deep thought myself. Where was I made in? And what in my life that make me feel that I am half eastern and half western right now?

There is no doubt about what I characterized myself as and where I recognized as home. But its the inside that haunted me. As more time spending at foreign country, I think the osmosis effect happen too me. For good or bad, I assimilated into the culture where people get drunk all day long, having only specialize in one thing but not the other, and all-you-can-think-of.

I realize that I start to note about the pros and cons about this world. There are always two ways of answering question. Culture is like water to us, and we are the fish.
Without having to leave the water, we wouldnt even know the existence of water. But when we were forced to leave the water, we will realized how comfortable the water was and how ignorant we were for not being able to point out the pros and cons of the medium.

I still remembered the moment where I sat down alone in the paddy field. The moment imprinted on me the sense of Malaysia as my home, the sense I have never been able to recover anywhere else in the world so far.
Every other place is foreign after this moment.

It always takes an absence for us to know how precious present is. Isnt it ironic how people never cherish the previous "good" moment and only regret afterward?

Shirley Lim, to me she is a totally westernized figure, but whats makes me different from her? There are time I try to ask am I really a Malaysian too.

If me isn't spell by only "m" and "e", what is, me then?

1 shell(s):

Ai Vern Wong said...

you should hv read the whole memoir, maybe it will change your perception to Shirley Lim~ =/