So this is to celebrate my 300th post in blogspot?
Hurray?


Exam mood is on but still, I made the move to blog here because there is something I wanted to write down here to remind myself.

Somehow the future vision is vague right now. Four years ago, I knew exactly what I am gonna do, with who, at where in my future. But now, its all in a mist.

Stumbled on this quote few days ago and I have to admit its so true yet so crucial in everyone's life.
"Death is not the greatest loss in life. The greatest lost is what dies within us while we live."

When everyone is chasing for new things in life, which one of them are actually preventing something from dying inside?

When you are holding the umbrella, what are you hiding for? The rain or the sorrow-ness in ur eye that could be easily seen by people?

And what is the thing you care most about in your life?
Facing all those rumors saying how the world is gonna come to an end and you know what, I am not terrified.
As oldschool as it may sound, I know what's gonna happen will happen eventually, with or without ur presence.

I dunno if the megaquack or the alien is coming tomorrow but there is one thing I can be sure of. That is we are closer to death day by day.

Giving up is not the right way, we are not coming this far to give up. We are here to move forward and become better everyday.

So put some smile on that face, its not what lying ahead or behind us that matter, its what lying between.

This is not a post to glorify him.

Its not about genius-like-he-is or oh-how-good-looking he is.

This is about us, the crazy stuff that we did together, about the feeling of being together with him, with family.

He is simply doing something that I can only look up to.

It seems impossible that he had left home for almost ten years now

Our time spent together wasnt that many, but very much a blessing

I think the most important thing is we are always happy to do whatever we wanted.

And here is something I want to tell you long time ago,

You were the first one who got to study abroad on your own in the family. I don't know much about what happen at that time but still, I had all my regards with you. Because at that time, I thought that's something I would never had the chance to do.

I remember as a kid, I can never link myself with you. Somehow I don't feel the connection with you because of the physical and mental distance we had. The only reason I will feel happy for your returning home is merely because of the 10 or 20 bucks that you would give me. Or the special occasion where you will bring back a better CPU so that I could play games with you at that time

Due to the 5 years age gap we have got between us, there wasnt much to talk to you. If any, it will be the arguments. Then it proceed to a point where we start fighting, and not suprisingly you always won, which I know you are still proud of until now.

Many, like you, never get along with own younger brother well at teenager age. I always come to wonder how can you treat our cousin brother way better than me in every possible way you can think of. And trust me, once I thought it was because I am not chubby and cute enough.

Life in the family was run on strictly disciplined lines and all of us were instilled with a sense of responsibility and self-sufficienct. If you did good, you get reward, if you did bad things, you know what is to expect next.

In fact, I can still remember the time when only me, you and pa in the house and we went to the grocery store to get our own present. I wanted a watch that time, but it was too expensive so you suggested me to use a pen to draw watch on my hand. You were serious that time, I always know that. But still, those are the memories, and those are the things that kept me smiling alone at night.

Being the first born in the family is not easy, expectations and smothering always come high on any new parent’s to do list, they push everything and try to set up rules for the first one. Second borns have a much better chance of being normal. Thank you for exploring those road for me, for being the one who clear the path so that I wont fall down when I am walking behind you.

Thank you for guiding me in life, showing me how to behave as a person and a proper man of the world, being useful and strive for perfectness while putting family at the first place. It is one of the most useful things that you have equipped me with.

Never once have I heard you complaining about how difficult you life was or excuse yourself from some obligation because we had a poorer chance than other rich children. Its you who taught me when you want something, you got to work hard to get it. Or else you would just end up with nothing.

You live and shine in your own way. Thank you for your support. Till now, I still do remember the times when you were willing to use up some of your time to teach me to do homework, in hope that I am able to become someone that lives up to your standard.

I am a very fortunate man, and I have a lot.

Even though most of the memory we share is the time when you asked me to pack food for you at the restaurant near my house and the "butcher" story.

The night we laughed, ate the gummy bears that taste terrible, and had fun is a definitely a night to remember.

There is one thing that I love about running.

You dun stand in front of the mirror before you run and wonder what the road would think about you

You dun have to listen to a joke and pretend that it is funny.

You dun have to put that mask on and pretend everything is right when you are running.

The track wouldnt notice if you do ur hair or dressed up like a star

He doesnt care how valuable are you to him, how many you can offer, and how similar you are to him

The only thing track care about is that you pay visit him once in a while. And thats all that matter, he doesnt judge, he doesnt criticize.

I am all physic and force.

No longer do I understand the names around me, though all of them remains distantly crucial. Deep down something missed, and will never come back again.

Like how you ate one awesome heavenly food first time, then only come to realize its actually not that good the second time.

Those names cause me pain, of course that is okay. I want the pain - as much as possible. Maximum sensation, before none.

Then it comes to a point where I realized to leave is the best way to prevent further damage.

And so I did. I quit to save myself. I would never pursue the pieces that had been broken. The fragility and desperation is not something that I want.

This is why I value my headaches, despite of its destructiveness.

Because after the pressure explodes the walls of selfhood, nothing will ever be the same again.

When I heard those words coming out from people's mouth I feel funny. Who are you to talk about the things that you were never in anyway?

The sense of self is just something that men wouldnt give up.

Who are you to comment on others when you are the one who do exactly the same thing?

At that time,

There is only the cool night air caressing my face, the sound of the snowbreeze, the heavenly vault , and the weightlessness of having finally put down a heavy object.

for a few second - a few strange, lovely second - the sensation is not unpleasant. If there is anything in my mind now, it is the vague sense of relief.

and the sound of footsteps leaving, never returned.

我是一个2006 SPM华语科得B3的学生，今年22岁，就读加拿大卑诗大学 三年级心理学

如果奖学金是你最大的忧虑。我可以告诉你，我华语得B3，但我还是拿到了奖学金

如果你对自己的前途和华文都有兴趣， 那请你继续读完整篇文章

一直以来國民型中学生必须考华语是个不成文的传统。

所谓传統是指历史沿传而來的思想，道德，制度和習慣。

传統是个无形的规范。换句话说，传统是个无形中造就我们的虚体。

一旦传统被改变了， 我们对自己的定义也必须要因此而转变。

我也曾和你一样在教室的窗前，凝视着四季都没有什么变化的校园，心里想着自己的前途，盘算着下一步该怎么走。

在这考华文与否的课题上我也确实徘徊过

面对最近的这个话题，我觉得说没有任何一方是错的。

我尊重华教的立场，同时也明白考生有决择的自由。

错的是现今的教育制度和考生心态

我想说

现今许多学生连正课时间都显得漫不经心，试问抛弃华文后他们还会尊重华语课的存在吗？

你可以不报考华语，但你不能放弃华文

毕竟华文是我们的根，也是华教最宝贵的资产，

放弃华文，更是华人华社绝对不能退却的防线

大门开了，小门还守得住吗？

我想说

如果你说拿华语科是赌上了你的前途

那我必须这样子告诉你，你舍弃华文是赌上了华教，国中，华社和你的民族

当你面前有阻碍时，应该做的并不是就此停步
而是绕道而行直到达到目标为止。

写到这里，我希望你们明白华文和华语的差别

华语仅是华文的其中一部分， 我希望的是华人们都会尊重和爱惜华文。

我想说

当你想说出你心理感受但却因为自己文字造诣的局限而无从表达憋了老半天的时候，

能怪的，也只有当年那一个鲁莽的决定。

我不敢说我是个对华文很有热忱的学生，

可是在异乡留学，我依旧不放弃任何一个能学华文的机会

我只是一个平凡的留学生

正因为这份平凡， 我选择了用我这一份力量去传承自己的文化。

我想说

如果最终的胜利是因为途中舍弃了一些难关，那这一种胜利我宁可不要

人的价值在于对社会的贡献
若人只会惧怕痛苦，惧怕种种疾病，惧怕不测的事情，惧怕失败和危险，他活着是为了什么呢？现在的我依然很光荣地告诉别人说我华语没拿A， 因为我爱我的母语。虽然他在我成绩单上加了一个B，但是对我来说在成绩单上的那个"Bahasa Cina"印字才是最重要的。

我想说

当你要为华人争取权力却不知如何说华语时，那才是真正的悲剧。

如果是为了分数而考试，那不如不考

如果是为了奖学金而读书，那不如不读

如果是为了跟风而不选考华语科，那不如回家耕田算了。

最后我还想说，

如果母语教育没有放弃你们，你们就不应放弃自己

报考与否我不在乎，因为那是你们的前途。

重要的是要三思而后行，别让自己作出一个后悔莫及的决定。

如果在受教中途迷失了，要切记千万不能迷失自己

送上一句“志不强者智不达，言不信者行不果” 与大家共勉之

The memory of me with my dad isnt that many, but there is a particular one that I wish to record down here.

It was raining heavily that day while we were on the highway after we dropped my brother off to his college. The rain was so horrible that neither of us in the car can barely see the road.

Some other cars chose to pull over because its just too dangerous to go on.

Just when me and my mum started to get nervous and worry of the road condition, he told me:

"Whenever you can't see the whats in front of you, just look at the white lines on the road, they will guide you to go further."

and that was the only sentence he spoke to me during that 7 hours journey.

I was really astonished by that word of him.

I remember as a kid, I can never see anything beyond the head light at night. But still I felt so safe cause I know my dad was the one who's driving.

Albeit of the terrible carsick I get when I was a kid, I can still see his back when he was driving. Protecting the family in his own way.

Then it comes to the point when I start to drive myself

The first time I drove for around 8 hours non stop in Ozland is something that I will never forget.

The murmuring voice beside my ears once I exceed 110km/h
Those aggressive trucks that overtook me again and again.
The dead silence when everyone fell asleep in the car.
Then ipod music I put on to prevent me from falling asleep.
And the faces of my family.
A lot of things came through my mind in that moment.
I realize I have started to give into this family.

Its not just a casual night-driving day for me. For me, its a day of growth.

And till now, I will always think of that word my dad told me when I was driving. Because he speaks so little, every word of him are so important to me.


Should you ever accidently ran into the wrong lane of life, look at the white line and you will walk straight back again.



He let me crawled and find my own ways of living so I know what suit me best.
Everyone have to fall down a few times before we learned how to walk.
It doesn't matter how others thought my father was; it matters who I remember how he was.



I must say, the greatest thing he ever gave me is his silence.
He didn't tell me how to live; he lived, and let me watch him do it.